Thoughts
by Angsty Glowstick
Summary: Remus thinks about Sirius. Hinted RLSB. Added Sirius' thoughts!
1. Remus' POV

**Thoughts**

**Summary: **Remus thinks about Sirius. Hinted RLSB.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter. Really.

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I don't know what's happening, Sirius.

You're not sleeping, and I know it. Through the opening of your curtains, I can see you, lying on your back with your hands under your head. And I can tell that your eyes are open, staring emptily into the darkness. The dim light coming in through the window is faintly illuminating your features. It makes your cheekbones stand out sharply, and it glitters on your hair. You've been lying like that for hours, only fidgeting once in while. I don't think that you notice that I'm watching you, but then again, you never did.

I can hear Peter's soft snores. I can hear James mumbling in his sleep. But I don't think you realize it. You look so immersed in your thoughts, and I wish I knew what you're thinking about. This… stillness doesn't seem to match you at all. You're always so restless; moving around, being loud. Even in your sleep you can't stay motionless; you shift and turn often. And I know because I have spent many sleepless nights like this one.

You know, Sirius, we are like the opposites of each other, you and I. I'm calm, quiet, and unnoticeable. I never stand out. I'm always just… there. But you, you're so different. You draw every eye. Maybe it's your looks, or charm; maybe both. You're hard to ignore. Even when you're not trying, you're like a magnet. You attract everyone. And maybe that's why I got trapped. Maybe that's why I can't stop thinking about you. But then again, it could be the fact that things haven't been the same between us for a while. I don't know what's been happening to us lately. We just seem to be so frustrated with each other. It's always one thing or another, it fuels your temper, and we're always saying the wrong things. Things get so uncomfortable that I can't stand it. I remember the times that we used to sit together, high up on the astronomy tower, and it just felt so _right_. Now everything's out of place and things don't feel right at all.

You suddenly move your head, your eyes flicking towards me. Through the pressing darkness, our gazes meet for a millisecond before I shut my eyes, heart quickening and hoping that you didn't see. I hear you shifting, and slowly open my eyes, only to find you sitting up on your bed. Your hair is falling over your face, and you make a motion as though brushing it away. The way you're sitting, you're blocking the light.

"I know you're awake," you whisper. I don't answer. I don't move. My eyes are closed once again. Just go back to thinking, Sirius.

You sigh, deeply. "Moony?"

I don't want to reply, Sirius, and choke on my words. I just want to pretend that I'm asleep, but I can't help this strange feeling from rushing into my fingertips. Your low voice reminds me of the times we used to stay up in one of our beds, talking about nonsense. It reminds me of how we always used to fall asleep together, and of how James used to laugh and mock us in the morning. Now all James mentions is how he could cut the tension between us with a knife. It feels nostalgic, in the pit of my stomach. We've never been on edge for so long.

I hear you shifting again, but my eyes are still firmly shut.

I think that we lost something between us. Something, that has been replaced with something else, new and enticing. But I don't think that either one of us is ready to discover, so it's repelling us. We're growing farther apart. All you do now is go around with random girls every week, and you barely look at me twice. We don't study together anymore, or stay down in the common room by the fire. I'm not sure how long it's been; I haven't been paying attention. I think we've both changed, suddenly, somehow.

I hear padding footsteps, and wonder where you're going to. I don't bother to try finding out, I can't bring myself to give a damn. I just wish that things returned back to normal.

But then there are footsteps again, and you stop directly beside my bed. I fight the urge to open my eyes, but find myself staring up into your shadowed face. I can't see your expression clearly, but I know that it's not indifferent, like all those times that you've looked at me.

"Move over," you say, neutrally. It's like things never changed.

My body moves of its own accord to make room for you. I try to stop it, but I am powerless. You get in beside me, like it's the most natural thing in the world. Your body is warm and inviting, and I find the whole situation nerve-racking. But then you're caressing my cheek, staring at me, and my heart is racing. I try to move away, or to at least open my mouth to tell you to stop, but find myself unable to.

And then your arms are engulfing me to you, and I'm dumbfounded, confused, and at a loss of what to do. Your body heat is so welcoming; I let my arms return the embrace. I can feel our hearts, hammering together, and I have no idea what it means.

The absurdity of the situation doesn't pass me by in the least. I breathe in deeply, smelling your shampoo, perfume, and something else that's entirely you. To me, you smell like sunshine.

"I miss you," you tell me.

I don't know, Sirius Black. I think that I've given up on you.

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**Notes:**Shall I add a chapter with Sirius' thoughts? Drop me a review and tell me.


	2. Sirius' POV

**Sorry **for taking so long to update, but, ah—(has no excuse) BUT! Important thing is you have it, riiiiiggghtttt?

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Your gaze on me is unwavering.

I can't see it, because I'm staring at the canopy overhead. But I feel it; it burns into me like searing candle wax. I'm lying here, at the mercy of your gaze, and yet I don't think you even realize that I have noticed. You're on your side, facing in my direction. So still and so quiet with the stealth of your nature that I may have just thought you were asleep—had I not been so _aware_ of you. It's funny how you never realize things. If you did, this might have been much easier.

You know, it gets tiring sometimes, it really does. How you're constantly watching me but never leaving hints as to why. Your gaze clings to me like a second skin, but whenever I turn to look, you're somehow looking the other way. Sometimes it's a little challenge for me, the thrill of catching your eyes. I have no clue what you're trying to do, Moony. How funny is that? _The_ Sirius Black, almighty ruler of the universe—or okay, maybe _just_ Hogwarts—reduced to a mess by a werewolf. I want to chuckle, now. But I don't, because then you'll think I'm mad.

And, even at this very moment, I cannot help but compare the two of us. You're always so quiet, so patient. When you want something, you look and you wait. It's so different from how I do things—I'd just barge in and demand, even though the outcome is not always promising. Actually, the way we do _anything_ at all is almost always the exact opposite. And it contrasts in such a way that it pulls me in. I get jealous, sometimes. Of how you're so calm, never seeking attention, but you _just get it. _Maybe that's your way of getting noticed, and I can't say I blame you, because it really works. Someone like me would never pull it off; even my good looks don't cut it without personality. I wonder if you mean to do it, at times. This… _competition_, but you probably don't. I was just mentioning how you don't notice things, after all…

I turn to look at you, since you're still watching me. And a jolt runs through when I realize that I _did_ it. It may have been dark, but I have finally caught you looking. A second later I realize that you have shut your eyes, and push myself up. You can act like you're asleep all you want, Remus, I'm not fooled. I push my hair away and see your golden irises—so intense they make me shiver.

"I know you're awake," I whisper, hoping for anything. Your eyes are closed once again.

I sigh after waiting too long, contemplating letting the matter go, but, "Moony?"

You don't reply; you just lay there. I can't help but be reminded of that one time, after an argument, where you just ignored me. Like I didn't even exist, and it made me feel… heh, I don't even know why we argue so much. Or maybe I do, maybe I'm just not willing to admit it. But sometimes, the things we argue about are so stupid. Like that one time—we fought over how to pronounce _phthisis. _How was that even relevant? I saw it on your Defence essay and next thing I knew we were shouting. It's like we use each other for stress relief.

I shift in my position, in the hope of catching your attention. And of course, I don't succeed.

I know you haven't fallen asleep, Moony, because you're too still and too tense. And I start to feel like _that_ again, that feeling that I get when you ignore me. Something has definitely changed—you never did before. It's like, you push me away. I have, _maybe_, started accepting this change; this weird thing that suddenly cut in between us. But I can tell that you're reluctant. It frustrates me even more. And when I try to think of when things flipped 180 degrees, I only draw a blank.

I can't stand this anymore. And drastic situations call for drastic measures, so I act like I'm leaving the room, guiding my footfalls just so that you'd be able to hear them. It always interested you before, but I'm disappointed, tonight.

Changing tactics, I head towards your bed instead. I stare at your soft features, shadowed by the dark. And I can't help that strange feeling that engulfs me and moves in my chest and then I'm aware that you're aware and I have to say something.

I try to sound neutral, "Move over."

I wasn't expecting much, and I definitely wasn't expecting _this_. After pretending to be asleep just to ignore me, you simply do as told. I hurriedly get in beside you before you decide to change your mind. Your bed is so warm—_you're_ so warm, and my heart leaps into my throat. My nerves fray as I reach over and caress your cheek, just because I can. My fingers tingle.

And next moment—I know why, but I don't—I wrap my arms around you and it feels so _good. _Your smell engulfs me: something unique and really pleasant. And when you return the embrace I'm elated and can do nothing but hold on tighter.

Our chests meet and our hearts are finishing each other's frantic thuds and somehow, in the back of my hazy mind, I am glad that I'm not the only one who's nervous. I feel_hear_**sense** you breathing in deeply, and my heart flutters madly.

"I miss you," I say, without meaning to. I mean _it_, but…

And you don't say a word.

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**Notes: **Alright! Most of you wanted it, now you've got it. I feel that it's not as good as the first, but still. Don't disappoint me, drop me a review. (:


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